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#3400836 - 06/18/14 06:45 PM Southern Engineer's Test
MolaKule Offline


Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 14643
Loc: Midwest
Apologies to my relatives and friends in Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and anyone south of the MD line, and apologies if this has been posted before:


I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and I challenge any so-called "smart " Yankee sto take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser’s will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the " RED NECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.
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#3400856 - 06/18/14 07:04 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
wemay Online   sick


Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 2194
Loc: sun & rain, S. FL.
All? I think we've lost Mola... crazy
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#3400860 - 06/18/14 07:09 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
fdcg27 Offline


Registered: 09/25/09
Posts: 9410
Loc: OH
9.How many Yankees will be buying a new keyboard because they had a mouthful of something when they started reading this?
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#3400864 - 06/18/14 07:12 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
bullwinkle Offline


Registered: 10/09/04
Posts: 4093
Loc: Cincinnati, OH, USA
Some of these I've heard, but some are purty dang FUNNY!
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#3400967 - 06/18/14 09:07 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
d00df00d Offline


Registered: 10/20/05
Posts: 9218
Loc: PA
I love this. Great light-hearted way to make people realize that "smart" is about one holy heck of a lot more than how many big words you can spout.
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#3400970 - 06/18/14 09:11 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
sciphi Offline


Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 8514
Loc: Upstate NY
That would describe a good swath of upstate NY, too! Outside of the 4 major upstate cities along I-90 (Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse and Albany), there's not much. There are still good stretches out away from the interstates where cell phones don't work that well if at all, and ostensibly public roads that one doesn't drive down unless you're family or good friends.
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#3401008 - 06/18/14 09:41 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
tommygunn Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 2778
Loc: usa
...and someone should tell them another joke so that they'd at least have two.

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#3401009 - 06/18/14 09:44 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
Kuato Offline


Registered: 10/23/05
Posts: 3138
Loc: Northeastern MT
Originally Posted By: MolaKule
Apologies to my relatives and friends in Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, and anyone south of the MD line, and apologies if this has been posted before:


I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South, and I challenge any so-called "smart " Yankee sto take this exam:

[quote=MolaKule]
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.


Unanswerable. You didn't say if the branches are loaded with fruit, or if you are up in the tree poking the possum with a stick or not.



Originally Posted By: MolaKule

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO


Fairlane. 'Cuz a Suthin boah is working on the other two.




Originally Posted By: MolaKule

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?


Six. But make sure they used non-lead solder, because lead poisoning made cousin Nort how he is.




Originally Posted By: MolaKule

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser’s will be drunk before the trees are cut down?


Easy. All of them you brought with you.




Originally Posted By: MolaKule

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?


You really should make this more difficult. All of them, unless you built the deck too close to the ground, in which case the ones under 5 will die because they can fit.




Originally Posted By: MolaKule

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?


Depends on if they're double wides or not.





Originally Posted By: MolaKule

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?


Zero. You forgot to mention the driver spills his beer when the brakes fail which results in loss of control and exiting the road. Probably hit Mr. Johnson's trailer down in the holler though.





Originally Posted By: MolaKule

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?


Depends on the proximity to Nashville and if they marry their first cousins or not.




Originally Posted By: MolaKule

I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the " RED NECK CHALLENGE", here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece....

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.


I supplied the answers just in case those nice folks from up north had trouble.


grin2


Edited by Kuato (06/18/14 09:48 PM)
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04 Jeep Wrangler 2.4 MT 186k
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#3401054 - 06/18/14 10:18 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: fdcg27]
Jimmy9190 Offline


Registered: 02/17/07
Posts: 3023
Loc: Clermont, Florida
Originally Posted By: fdcg27
9.How many Yankees will be buying a new keyboard because they had a mouthful of something when they started reading this?


10. If a man and woman from Arkansas get married, then later in life they get divorced, are they still brother and sister?
_________________________
Jimmy9190
2001 Dodge Dakota, 3.9 V6, 5-speed manual, 172K
Peak 10W30, Fram PH16


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#3401069 - 06/18/14 10:30 PM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
Quest Offline


Registered: 12/19/04
Posts: 6410
Loc: beaver land EH?
I'm laughing along while reading this...

*RIOT*

...gotta pull maself out of the chair to get a beer and then come back keep on reading this...

*RIOT*

Q.
_________________________
"Internet discussion boards act as echo chambers for conspiracy dittoheads" A.Allen

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#3401156 - 06/19/14 01:43 AM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
Barkleymut Offline


Registered: 01/27/04
Posts: 2444
Loc: Richmond, VA
ok ok, some of this is funny and true....so I will pose a few questions as well. I will also provide the answers.

What do Yankees use for birth control? Their personality
What is the most popular Halloween costume in Yankeeland? A snowsuit
What do you call the kids of Yankees that grow up in the South? Yankees
When should a kid be allowed to drink Coke? In the South this is easy, whenever Mom and Dad think it is ok. In the North this will be decided by your governor, and then and only then you must not exceed the daily allowance of 12 oz. Which may be deemed as too much in which case please take your child to a health professional who will load him up on expensive mind altering drugs.
How do you fix a pothole? This one has regional variations. Fla - what is a pothole? Virginia - asphalt Massachewsits - Hire 14 unionized men that need at least (7) 30 minute breaks every day. Have them use an EPA approved recycled automotive tire compound that will expand and contract with the weather. This is because it is so cold in Massachewsits from November through April that the repair will probably only last a month and need to be repeated once the ground thaws, which will probably be after the Fourth of July.
What is barbeque? South - good food. North - A dangerous contraption that Uncle Sal lost his eyebrows to last Memorial Day because he did not read the label on the lighter fluid. Uncle Sal has now hired a dream team of lawyers with the promise to shut down the evil enterprise of Kingsford.
What is a beater? South - a shirt with the sleeves cut off. North - every car, because it will be rusted thru in 3 years.
_________________________
09 Vue(95K) 2.4 4spd AT -PU 5w30 / 09 Flex(52K)3.5L PU / Moms car 04 Pilot(105K) 5w20 PP + Puro

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#3401168 - 06/19/14 02:47 AM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
Barkleymut Offline


Registered: 01/27/04
Posts: 2444
Loc: Richmond, VA
Fishing hole - South-a good place to catch fish which you then eat after frying them. north - sounds dangerous, has the EPA investigated this? Call PETA and demand that the fish have a central nervous system and fishing is cruel and unusual punishment. Introduce legislation to shut down these evil fishing holes.

Interstate - South - a four lane road. north - A 16 lane autobahn where the limits of 4 cylinder econoboxes are tested daily. Entering aforementioned Interstate should not be taken lightly as you will be required to slam on the gas until you reach a minimum of 80 MPH and possibly be stopped within a mile because there is construction.

Dress code - South - pretty much anything goes. North - a sexist label that has been forced upon the great people of New York. Don't worry we have signed petitions and introduced legislation.

Party - South - let's have some fun tonight north - a gathering of at least 20 people, all of which have the same goal...one upping each other by talking about who has the fanciest purse, whose child is going to the best Ivy league school, who is driving the newest BMW, and other random junk that the average Southerner could care less about.

Personal space - South - Personal space is highly valued in the South, you do not need to get 2 inches from my face to tell me anything unless you are my Drill Sargent. North - never heard of personal space, please tell me more. Can we sign a petition?

Washington DC - South - way too far North and the people there say stuff then do the opposite. north - a wonderful place where 20,000 laws are passed daily to provide a more free country.
_________________________
09 Vue(95K) 2.4 4spd AT -PU 5w30 / 09 Flex(52K)3.5L PU / Moms car 04 Pilot(105K) 5w20 PP + Puro

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#3401209 - 06/19/14 06:07 AM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
tony1679 Offline


Registered: 06/08/14
Posts: 266
Loc: Central Oklahoma
MolaKule "done lost his daggum mind." LOL. Hilarious!
_________________________
2008 Chevrolet Impala SS (Tuned - DOD/AFM is EVIL!)
2003 Dodge Dakota SLT 4.7L 2WD Quad Cab
2004 Ford Mustang GT (Stock)

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#3401219 - 06/19/14 06:53 AM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: Jimmy9190]
beanoil Offline


Registered: 10/17/04
Posts: 1978
Loc: Midwest, Illinois
Originally Posted By: Jimmy9190
Originally Posted By: fdcg27
9.How many Yankees will be buying a new keyboard because they had a mouthful of something when they started reading this?


10. If a man and woman from Arkansas get married, then later in life they get divorced, are they still brother and sister?


Maybe.. The only sure bet there is that someone is losing a trailer.
_________________________
beanoil: Tough under heat, real dirty afterwards.

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#3401446 - 06/19/14 11:51 AM Re: Southern Engineer's Test [Re: MolaKule]
PierreR Offline


Registered: 05/05/13
Posts: 38
Loc: Sweden
Originally Posted By: MolaKule

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.


I have done this.

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