Women! And the nice guy
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Originally Posted By: javacontour
I think what folks call "too nice" is really relationship weakness.
The person is too weak. They won't stand up for what they want.
Now the other side of that, the "too hard" guy that's mentioned above is also a manifestation of too weak. They have to hide behind the hard persona to protect themselves.
Relationships are not for the weak. Marriage isn't for wimps. I know that both I and my ex-wife carried certain weaknesses into our marriage. I put up with a lot of crud. That was my form of weakness. Willingness to suffer, to be a martyr for the relationship. Her? She wasn't willing to speak up and be honest. If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
But instead of being honest and saying I want X, Y or Z when I asked, she went out and had an affair.
Yep, I said it. Being unfaithful is a manifestation of relationship weakness. It's not macho, or a "you go girl" sort of thing. Lying to your partner is the ultimate form of weakness on display. You are not strong or mature enough to tell your partner the truth about how things are.
So what we call "too nice" or "too hard" or "too submissive" or "too controlling" or "too name_any_negative_attribute" is really just your relationship weakness manifested.
So I would add to the above excellent suggestions of be yourself and have fun to be strong and be honest. Any coward can lie or cheat, or not say anything. It takes relationship strength to be honest with your partner and tell him/her when things are bad for you and how you would like to see them addressed.
And if you don't know, be honest, but also be strong enough to say, I'm your partner so I'm willing to work with you to find a solution to the problem.
It doesn't take any strength or courage to lie, cheat, give up, walk-away or any other similar action. It takes strength and character to be a partner someone can count on in every aspect imaginable. At the very least, you should be someone one can count on to do no harm. You may not know the answers to a difficult problem or situation, but you are committed to not being part of the problem by making it worse.
Gets off soapbox now...
Good stuff there JC! I agree and can relate. I realized I needed to be a better communicator...and did.
I think what folks call "too nice" is really relationship weakness.
The person is too weak. They won't stand up for what they want.
Now the other side of that, the "too hard" guy that's mentioned above is also a manifestation of too weak. They have to hide behind the hard persona to protect themselves.
Relationships are not for the weak. Marriage isn't for wimps. I know that both I and my ex-wife carried certain weaknesses into our marriage. I put up with a lot of crud. That was my form of weakness. Willingness to suffer, to be a martyr for the relationship. Her? She wasn't willing to speak up and be honest. If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
But instead of being honest and saying I want X, Y or Z when I asked, she went out and had an affair.
Yep, I said it. Being unfaithful is a manifestation of relationship weakness. It's not macho, or a "you go girl" sort of thing. Lying to your partner is the ultimate form of weakness on display. You are not strong or mature enough to tell your partner the truth about how things are.
So what we call "too nice" or "too hard" or "too submissive" or "too controlling" or "too name_any_negative_attribute" is really just your relationship weakness manifested.
So I would add to the above excellent suggestions of be yourself and have fun to be strong and be honest. Any coward can lie or cheat, or not say anything. It takes relationship strength to be honest with your partner and tell him/her when things are bad for you and how you would like to see them addressed.
And if you don't know, be honest, but also be strong enough to say, I'm your partner so I'm willing to work with you to find a solution to the problem.
It doesn't take any strength or courage to lie, cheat, give up, walk-away or any other similar action. It takes strength and character to be a partner someone can count on in every aspect imaginable. At the very least, you should be someone one can count on to do no harm. You may not know the answers to a difficult problem or situation, but you are committed to not being part of the problem by making it worse.
Gets off soapbox now...
Good stuff there JC! I agree and can relate. I realized I needed to be a better communicator...and did.
Originally Posted By: lawman1909
So my friend's girlfriend broke up with him today, 2 weeks shy of their 1st year anniversary. She said she was not used to being treated so good and felt he was too chivalrous. Anyone have opinions? He seems pretty destroyed and I don't quite know how to comfort him, even though the same happened to me. Does this happen to a lot of guys? Both wanted to find their "one" and were serious. He gave her plenty of space too.
I have been given that exact excuse after two years. There was someone else.
It's been about a year. The strange thing is, I really don't miss it. I really enjoy being single oddly enough.
So my friend's girlfriend broke up with him today, 2 weeks shy of their 1st year anniversary. She said she was not used to being treated so good and felt he was too chivalrous. Anyone have opinions? He seems pretty destroyed and I don't quite know how to comfort him, even though the same happened to me. Does this happen to a lot of guys? Both wanted to find their "one" and were serious. He gave her plenty of space too.
I have been given that exact excuse after two years. There was someone else.
It's been about a year. The strange thing is, I really don't miss it. I really enjoy being single oddly enough.
Quote:
If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
Did it take the entire marriage before you realized that "fine" does NOT mean "fine"? This might be helpful http://elitedaily.com/women/girl-really-means-says-shes-fine/
If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
Did it take the entire marriage before you realized that "fine" does NOT mean "fine"? This might be helpful http://elitedaily.com/women/girl-really-means-says-shes-fine/
Except I won't play that game. If someone cannot or will not be honest, then how is that my fault?
If someone asks and you don't take your opportunity to share how you feel, don't come back later and say you "didn't feel heard" in the relationship. You were asked for your input and squandered that opportunity.
If you send a mixed message, don't expect to be "heard."
Originally Posted By: Vikas
Quote:
If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
Did it take the entire marriage before you realized that "fine" does NOT mean "fine"? This might be helpful http://elitedaily.com/women/girl-really-means-says-shes-fine/
If someone asks and you don't take your opportunity to share how you feel, don't come back later and say you "didn't feel heard" in the relationship. You were asked for your input and squandered that opportunity.
If you send a mixed message, don't expect to be "heard."
Originally Posted By: Vikas
Quote:
If I'd ask how things were, her reply: fine!
Did it take the entire marriage before you realized that "fine" does NOT mean "fine"? This might be helpful http://elitedaily.com/women/girl-really-means-says-shes-fine/
A good article on how to stop people from walking you-
http://socyberty.com/psychology/reasons-others-take-advantage-of-us-and-how-to-stop-it/
http://socyberty.com/psychology/reasons-others-take-advantage-of-us-and-how-to-stop-it/
Originally Posted By: aquariuscsm
Does she come from a broken home with no father in the picture? Chicks with daddy issues are always like that. They're abuse cravers,bum lovers,etc. They're just f'd up in the head and if they're with a genuinely good/nice guy,they get bored and dump them for a bum or an abuser,BUT then start boo-hooing about their new loser bf abusing them. Happens like clockwork.
Tell your friend to burn all bridges with this chick.
Very much agree with. I'd toss her to the curb like yesterday's newspaper.
Does she come from a broken home with no father in the picture? Chicks with daddy issues are always like that. They're abuse cravers,bum lovers,etc. They're just f'd up in the head and if they're with a genuinely good/nice guy,they get bored and dump them for a bum or an abuser,BUT then start boo-hooing about their new loser bf abusing them. Happens like clockwork.
Tell your friend to burn all bridges with this chick.
Very much agree with. I'd toss her to the curb like yesterday's newspaper.
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
Originally Posted By: lawman1909
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
Good man. Standing your ground is important. I'm a nice guy, but that doesn't mean I finish last. Everyone says girls like jerks, and that isn't true at all. They like people who are confident, and jerks are usually confident, although many times in an arrogant kind of way.
I've gotten more girls being a confident nice guy than better looking guys do being a jerk. I'm nice, honest, and fair. I'll help anybody, but I also know when to draw the line and not let people walk all over me. This is important. There is no problem with being nice, and its easier to engage in conversation when girls feel you are easy to talk to. I'm also not afraid to call a spade a spade and stick up for myself.
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
Good man. Standing your ground is important. I'm a nice guy, but that doesn't mean I finish last. Everyone says girls like jerks, and that isn't true at all. They like people who are confident, and jerks are usually confident, although many times in an arrogant kind of way.
I've gotten more girls being a confident nice guy than better looking guys do being a jerk. I'm nice, honest, and fair. I'll help anybody, but I also know when to draw the line and not let people walk all over me. This is important. There is no problem with being nice, and its easier to engage in conversation when girls feel you are easy to talk to. I'm also not afraid to call a spade a spade and stick up for myself.
At least she gave him a reason...I was with a gal for over 2 years...in a serious relationship, I'm talking we had discussed getting married, having kids, the whole 9 yards...then one day she dumps me and doesn't even bother to tell me why....that was over 30 years ago and to this day I still don't know why she dumped me...women can be very strange creatures...
Originally Posted By: lawman1909
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
Excellent!
That is part and parcel of what being a "man" is too.
And frankly his laugh was well deserved... when someone does something obnoxious, rude or arrogant, they SHOULD be called on it.
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
Excellent!
That is part and parcel of what being a "man" is too.
And frankly his laugh was well deserved... when someone does something obnoxious, rude or arrogant, they SHOULD be called on it.
Originally Posted By: lawman1909
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
he is young, healthy, sporty, good looking and a single firefighter...
should I continue?
/thread
Odd enough, he saw her at a diner with another guy.. Then she called last night and wanted to work things out with him. He laughed and hung up! I showed him everyones responses and he concurs.
he is young, healthy, sporty, good looking and a single firefighter...
should I continue?
/thread
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