21 Reasons Not to Have Children

Status
Not open for further replies.
Joined
May 17, 2006
Messages
4,549
Location
Central Wisconsin
• For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
• For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
• For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things I've learned from my children:

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
 
Yep I'm pretty much livin' it. Have 3, 5 and 7yr/olds.
09.gif


Joel
 
At least I get to hand them back at the end of the day! The wifey and I will see about this in, oh, 10 years. Maybe.
 
I'm really disappointed to hear about 4a and 13. However, #21b makes up for those failures. That's experimental science at its best! I'm definitely going to try #8 next time I have a few swishes of brake fluid left over. I guess I'm still a little boy at heart, even better since I have some funding now.

I see other people's kids in the store drooling and staring off into space. I wonder to myself, "how come they got the kind that aren't trying to break stuff all the time." Then I go outside, adjust my rear view mirror and am greeted by a fleeting glimpse at the answer.

thumbsup2.gif
 
Quote:
What's a kid doing with brake fluid?

Ohhhh, if it's in the garage, he'll find it..
whistle.gif

My brother and I about drove Dad nuts doing experiments with anything we could find.. How we managed to survive is beyond me.
43.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top