ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
__________________________________________________ ________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
__________________________________________________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
__________________________________________________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
__________________________________________________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
__________________________________________________ _______
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
__________________________________________________ ________
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
__________________________________________________ ________
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
__________________________________________________ ________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
__________________________________________________ _______
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
__________________________________________________ ________
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
__________________________________________________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
__________________________________________________ ________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
__________________________________________________ ________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
__________________________________________________ ________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
__________________________________________________ ________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
__________________________________________________ _______
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
__________________________________________________ ________
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
__________________________________________________ ________
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
__________________________________________________ ________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
__________________________________________________ _______
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
__________________________________________________ ________
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
__________________________________________________ ________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
